


What If’s

by pahahnope



Series: Zoey Daniels. [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, Avengers - Freeform, Avengers Family, Death, Endgame, Far from home, Gen, Illness, Infinity War, Loss, Marvel - Freeform, Mental Health Issues, Own Character, Pain, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Suffering, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-05-16 16:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19322275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pahahnope/pseuds/pahahnope
Summary: The Alternate Ending to Alone. Please read that if you want to read this.What if Zoey Daniels stayed at home?





	1. Alive

The sloshing of liquid made her laugh. The glares of the public made her scowl.

The general public looked past the drunk eighteen year old and carried on their days as normal, not worrying about the mental state of the girl they had just past. They didn’t even care as she so carelessly threw herself onto the bench dropping the bottle from her hands. They didn’t care when she passed out on that very bench.

Zoey didn’t sleep much anymore, but that had slowly become normal; her eyes closing whenever there was a possibility but she couldn’t sleep this was all her fault. She passed out more than she slept, the smell of alcohol always apparent in her breath and on her shirts. It was easier to forget than remember.

But everyone lost.

Everyone had their own battles to fight, so no-one really worried about anyone else. Everyone had no-one. She wasn’t alone but she felt it. The way she woke up to silence, ate dinner on her bed staring at the wall, walked for miles each day not wanting anything. She didn’t feel anything anymore.

 _‘it’s okay, I’m not going to leave you.’_ ~~~~ ~~~~She remembered the nightmares every night when she was younger, the ways her mind wanted her to relive the trauma. She remembered how Tony would run in, panicked. She remembered how much he cared but they she remembered that he did leave. And he was gone.

 _’Nothing’s going to happen I’m going on a field trip, I’ll see you later.’_ But there was no later. She knew he was gone, she saw it happen, but she didn’t try to stop it.

Zoey had enough of losing. She lost her family, she lost Tony, she lost Peter. And recently she lost her power. Maybe she deserved it, someone else should have it, someone who will actually use it. It was more of a curse than a power. She still had the other power but it was pretty much useless now, she never did anything with it. Only to fix herself when it was her own fault. 

The sound of an old radio wrung through Zoey’s ears, it was just like that night nine years ago. However the people inside of the car was replaced with a broken man, someone who also lost too many times. A tired man. 

He looked her way acknowledging that she was awake then turned his head back to the road without speaking, he didn’t speak much anymore. No-one did. The world was silent, everyone thrown into the unknown, dealt with grief in their own way. And some didn’t deal at all.

The world lost half of its population on that day and it was slowly losing the other half. The rise in suicide rates was disturbing. People didn’t see a way out because even the hero’s didn’t know a way out. They were all alone, family, friends gone. It was easier to be dead than have to deal with the pain.

The population was losing against itself, and there was no way to stop it.

”You have to stop this. You’re going to kill yourself.” Steve kept on driving, he couldn’t look at Zoey anymore; she was lost and broken and there was no way out. 

“I could think of worse outcomes.” 

“Like what?”

”Living.”

Luckily they were at the compound because Steve nearly cried when Zoey spoke, she used to be better. She was never a completely happy kid, always underlying negative emotion. But there used to be some positives. Now she was just broken and empty.

She no longer tried to hide the way that she felt. She was depressed and needed help but the few people that couldn’t help were either gone or fractured as well. Stuck in a cycle, there was no way out.

It had been three weeks but it felt like a year. Zoey celebrated her eighteenth birthday alone. It didn’t really phase her, nor effect her; it didn’t seem like a big deal. Probably because she was so tired.

Her mind constantly drifted to better times, as she walked around the compound all she saw was memories of Tony and Peter. She no longer could walk past either of their rooms, nor could she sit near their seats. They were everywhere that she looked but at the same time they were nowhere. 

“Don’t talk like that. You’re lucky to be alive, most people no longer have that privilege.”

”How on earth am I lucky? Do you feel lucky? Or do you envy the fallen? Because I sure as hell wish I was one of the lost ones, I wish I had died. I’ve lost everything. I have no-one. There is no reason to be alive.”

”We can get them back.”

”Steve it’s been three weeks. No-one has any idea how, people are giving up left right and centre. Just take it that these people are gone, life happened, you cannot change the past. No-one can.” Slowly Zoey left the car leaving a hopeless Steve just staring.

He acted like there was another way, a way out of this. But there wasn’t. He acted like he didn’t see scars on Zoey’s wrist. He acted like there was a future. But there wasn’t. He shared the view of the wider society, there was no way out, no way back. This had happened. They couldn’t change that.


	2. Virus

The pattern of water upon the bath became a form of sanity for Zoey. The way she shook told her that she could still feel, she was alive, and that wasn’t comforting but it reassured her. The cold drained through her body. Relieving her from the sadness that rushed through her veins. Soon she would become too numb to feel. Maybe that was better? She didn’t know. She was too cold to think about that. 

In truth she resented who she was now, who she had slowly become. She had been losing herself for years now and maybe that was just growing up but she didn’t think that all adults were so sad all of the time. Because that’s all she felt sadness.

Zoey didn’t enjoy being sad. But she seemed to be stuck in sadness and as soon as she managed to escape the void she was thrown back into it. It was a never ending cycle that she found herself within. 

Her eyes begun to close. Maybe her body was tired from the constant shivering? Maybe her brain had enough for now? She didn’t know. All she knew is that she would wake up and this would all start again.

Her mind still enjoyed playing tricks on her, replaying situations she had been in before, acting like something was happening. Everything begun to shake but she, too weak to stand, continued to lie in the bath. The shaking abruptly stopped and Zoey thought nothing of it. Her eyes closing again.

She didn’t dream. She couldn’t. Because she wasn’t sleeping. She was passing out every night. And as unhealthy it was, it worked because her body had to be forced to rest. So when she woke to shouts she wondered if she had actually fallen asleep and she was dreaming of days when the worst thing was a small argument.

But her eyes opened and she lay in the same bath. Shivering. Still unable to move, paralysed. Her mind was playing tricks on her when she heard Tony’s voice, it’s usual tone much weaker and broken. She wondered if it was portraying hers. 

Because he was dead. He couldn’t survive in space without food or water for just over three weeks. 

Her arm begun to come back to her as she reached out for the bottle. As she snapped the cap off and took long mouthfuls of the alcohol, she regretted falling back down into this trap because it made her worse. But it seemed that she couldn’t control it. She thought it was the only thing that made her live. But in truth it was killing her.

But right now the warmth that travelled down her body helped her get up, out of the bath and into some clothes. She hit her head against a wall, crying as she heard his voice again and someone saying his name. She looked in the mirror wiped her eyes, making it look like she hadn’t just cried for an hour.

She walked to the kitchen where the panicked voices grew louder. She only went to get another bottle not have to deal with what was going to get thrown at her. But as everyone saw her presence they froze, she wasn’t meant to see this. 

She gazed to the floor. “He...He...He’s...Dead.” She looked back up to Steve who simply shook his head. But he looked dead. And he should be dead. He shouldn’t be here. He’s dead. What is he doing here? “Is that really him?” They nodded and she just burst into tears and walked away, too confused to be in that room, with him. 

As she was walking Natasha called her name but when Zoey didn’t reply she just ran to stand next to her. “Come here kid.” Natasha threw her arms around her, finally there might be a way, a way to save everyone. Natasha remembered when she nearly lost Zoey, the way she was determined her body would give in, but the kid fought through it.

“It’s all going to be okay now, there is hope.” Because that’s what Tony was, hope for the world, he managed to help people see the light. “He’s dead.” Natasha just took a step back wondering why Zoey was so determined that he was dead even though she just saw him. “Peter’s dead. Tony would have bought him back. He’s dead.” They all forgot about the new addition to the team, someone who lost as much as Zoey but managed to make days brighter. 

“We are going to get them back you know that we are. We won’t rest until we do. You can help, you’re smarter than the majority of us.” She wanted to help. Everything should have been okay now, Tony was back. So why on earth was she not okay? 

Why did she still have screams inside of her telling her that life isn’t worth living? Why are the shouts so clearly telling her that there is no future? Why does her own body not want her to have happiness? Because she should be ecstatic but the underlying depression was taking over. Like a virus.

It already had its host. And the world outside was a dangerous and scary place, it wasn’t going to move on. Zoey was a hostage. There was no way out.


	3. Daze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me so long to write I’m utterly confused because it’s so shit but it took me a good week to get the inspiration.

No-one knew how Zoey would react when she found out that Tony was back; but they did not in a million years that she would act like she was at the moment. She begun to distance herself even more. It seemed impossible for the girl who didn’t talk much and barely spent any time with anyone, to become more alone but it was possible. 

They didn’t know why. No-one knew why. Surely she should’ve been happy that he was back because before all she wanted was him. She would wake up screaming his name soon to realise that he wasn’t there. But she became more silent, not screaming his name just screaming. 

After a month it soon became apparent to Tony. Everyone else was tiptoeing around him, constantly by his side. And although Zoey visited nearly everyday he knew that she wasn’t really in the room. She would stare out of the window and forget to reply when he asked a question or tried to make any conversation. 

Tony wanted to help but he knew at the moment he was not in the right mind-set. He would just have to wait for a bit longer and help her later when he was alright. So he passed the responsibility onto Rogers and Romanoff, they seemed close to Zoey; and he knew Zoey cared about them both. 

A small knock on the door caused Zoey to slam her book shut and allow someone to enter, she didn’t turn to see; they were bound to speak soon and then she would know. “Need to talk?” Natasha. 

Zoey shook her head, in truth she did need to talk but actually making the words form in her mind seemed like a task too big to handle. “Yes you do. Tell me what’s up. Like why you haven’t been to see Tony in three days, or why you haven’t been coming to dinner, or why you haven’t left this room for two days?” 

A simple shrug.

“Look, Tony asked me to talk to you. And you know that’s not the only reason I’m here, I’m here because I worry about you as well. But he said if I can’t get you to talk, figure out what’s wrong, he will get a therapist. And we all know they are bullshit.”

“Yeah.” 

Natasha just stared at Zoey, she felt physically sick at the way she had become so hopeless. She was lost. “What do you mean yeah? Hey FRIDAY can you get Steve for me? Tell him it’s about Zoey.” Zoey simply rested her head on the wall, staring ahead of her. People looking at her might feel she was empty, but her mind was going a mile a second; it had never been so busy. 

“Zoey look at me. Zoey. Natasha go check if Tony is awake. Hey there Zoey wanna come back down to earth? Have you been drinking again? God dammit kid. He’s awake? Good. Zoey we are going to see Tony okay.”

It all became too much for Zoey. The panicked voices, the slow but harsh movements. She wanted to shout that she was okay and that she would get over it. But something stopped her. Something that knew she needed help, because the battle that she fought with herself everyday was tiring, she didn’t know how much longer she could keep the fight up.

“Sit her there. What has she done?” The tone of Tony’s voice sounded somewhat infuriated that he had to deal with this all again; even though he had his own shit to deal with. But anyone who knew him would know that he was just worried and scared.

“We don’t know she’s dazed, she’s been drinking again. We tried to stop it but it hasn’t worked, we thought that when you came back she might improve but to be completely honest she’s gotten worse. I don’t think she can deal with it all, it’s a lot to take in. We are all lost.” Natasha offered a worried glance to Tony who simply shook it off, because he could fix Zoey. He fixed her countless times.

“Thank you for looking after her. Can you get me some water and a slice of Pizza and an apple?” The rhetorical question answered by Natasha leaving the room caused Tony to turn his attention to Zoey, who was currently perched on his chair. Blacked out. Most people would assume that it was from the drinking but he knew she had learnt to handle it well, this was something else.

It sounded wrong but Zoey enjoyed passing out, it made her mind be quiet for a while. But she didn’t like how it made people worry about her, she didn’t want to cause a scene but her body tried to and succeeded almost every time. She always felt better when she woke up, more stable, more like she used to be. But then she would remember. 

“I’m sorry I’m so so sorry.” Tony turned his head, Zoey had been blacked out for almost four hours. He tried to fade the sadness in his eyes, but it was still clear, he just wanted her to be okay but it seemed it was impossible for her to be alright.

“Hey, Hey calm down. You do not need to apologise for anything, you’ve done nothing wrong. I just need you to let me help you.” Zoey’s head fell into her hands, she couldn’t look at him anymore. She was a let down.

“I don’t need help.”

“We both know that’s a lie.”

“No! I don’t need help! There is no way I can be saved! Have you ever known me be happy for more than two weeks?! I’m cursed! I’m fucking cursed.” Tony was not surprised by the outbreak of anger, she gets angry when she’s upset and he knew that better than anyone else. But she spoke with such little hope, such sadness he nearly broke as well. 

“Listen Zoey, I get what you feel like we all do. You just need to talk to us. Don’t turn to the bottle. Don’t hide your emotions. We are all here to listen.”

“Shut the fuck up. No-one is here to listen! Everyone’s been through shit, don’t need me being a problem. You just pass me onto Steve and Nat. Then Steve barely speaks to me only when Nat has had enough. I know that I’m too much to handle. I know that people don’t need me being like this. But I can’t help it. I try every single day when I wake up to be happy but something tells me I don’t deserve happiness. It’s so hard to live everyday in darkness. There used to be light. Now? Nothing. I’m nothing.” 

Zoey didn’t know that she wasn’t pouring her emotions out for the first time in two months it seemed natural. She knew she needed help, she knew there was something wrong with her. And she never felt comfortable enough to talk about it before, until Tony was there to listen. Because for Zoey life was hard without Tony, it seemed he was the only person that could help her. But in reality he was the only person she trusted.


	4. Memories

“So ms Daniels?” Zoey gave a quick nod to the man who sat in front of her. He was a tall man, mid thirties, physically fit physique. “How long have you been feeling like this? If you can recall remembering.” As much as Zoey liked the man she believed these sessions to be pointless and a waste of time. She was getting better and these ‘meetings’ were not making a difference.

“Since I was about nine. So for nine years.” The man just looked at Tony who was sat on the other side of the room slouched against the chair. It was no surprise the man was disturbed that Zoey had been in a constant state of sadness for half of her life. “Don’t look at me she’s had a pretty fucked up life, it would be weirder if she wasn’t depressed.” To many it would seem that Tony had reverted back to his old ways but Zoey knew he was trying to lighten the mood. 

“Can you possibly tell me why you might have been feeling this way.” Zoey just glanced to Tony, what was she meant to say? Was she just meant to describe everything that had gone wrong in those nine years? If she did they would probably send her to an asylum.

Tony lowered his head to signify that it was okay for Zoey to explain. The look on her face was like that of a guilty child. But she was worried. Her life was too much to just pour out into a conversation, something might go wrong. She might break again, and Tony was only just getting her back.

“I...uh...I...well...yeah...basically...I..." It was surreal how quickly Zoeys demeanour has changed, it wasn’t a fact, it wasn’t something she could just hide. It was the truth. It was what she had dealt with. The life she had survived. 

“Hey it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me everything, I completely understand. Maybe Mr Stark can tell me outside? I just need to know.”

Zoey’s eyes diverted back up to Tony’s. Suddenly she was that helpless nine year old again, alone, scared. He just wanted to wrap his arms around her and tell her everything was going to get better. But he tried that. She knew that it was a lie, because he couldn’t definitely say that life was going to get better. Zoey needed help. Tony was unable to help. 

“N-no...I...should...I...need to.” Zoey looked to the floor and then started fiddling with her hands, not wanting to look at anyone’s face. “It’s just... I can’t remember... all of it.” Both men paused. Tony nearly walked out of the room. He had no idea what she was talking about now, was she lying so that she didn’t have to explain all of it. That had to be it.

“Some of it went away. When I hit my head. Initially I couldn’t remember anything, not even my name. But I remember things now. My family died, remembered that first. I remember someone hitting and cutting me but I don’t know who. I remember shouting. The smell of garbage acting like home. Uh... Peter. I remember nearly killing him. I remember certain things in fragments. But Bruce said I will remember more as time goes on.”

Tony didn’t think as he stormed out of the room and up to the team, he didn’t think about the impact that would have on Zoey. “When the fuck were you planning on telling me! My kid lost her memory and no-one thought to tell me. No-one thought it might be nice to let me know that she didn’t remember everything we’ve been through.” He didn’t expect nor want a reply.

The therapist had followed Tony to bring him back to Zoey who currently thought that she had done something wrong. Like her brain was something to be ashamed of. “Mr Stark would you care to join us again, preferably calm down before you go back in. She didn’t take it lightly when you stormed out.” 

As they walked back in Zoey was clearly gone. It all seemed too familiar for Tony. “FRIDAY location on Zoey?” 

“She is currently no longer in the building sir, halfway up the drive.”

“Shit. Sorry. Thank you. I’ll pay you later.” Tony ran out of the door, not putting his suit on because that would only make matters worse. But it meant that it took longer to get to her, she was faster than Tony. He paused as he saw her sat on a bench. Having not yet thought this far, he watched her. Too scared to speak. But he had to. 

“Zo. I’m... dammit I’m sorry. I was shocked. I didn’t know. I just-” He paused as Zoey stood up and looked at him with an emotion he had not yet seen in her. He didn’t know what it was but he didn’t like it for sure. “It’s you. You’re the one who keeps me down. You’re the one restraining me. Keeping me from happiness. Every bad memory you are there. They’re coming back quickly and you are always stood there. You ruined my life!”

It was hate, anger, sadness and frustration all rolled into one. “Zoey don’t do this. Don’t.”

“Do what. What on earth could I do that would make your life half as bad as you made mine.” She didn’t know she could shout so loud while crying, didn’t know she could hurt someone as much as she was. 

“You’re not remembering it properly. I swear to god Zoey I never hurt you. I helped you.”

“No you helped yourself. You are selfish. You only saved me so you wouldn’t have the guilt. You don’t give a shit about me or anyone else. Everyone thinks you’ve changed. But you haven’t. You’re the same old Tony Stark everyone hated. The same Tony Stark my family hated. The same Tony Stark that made the weapons that killed my extended family. You’re a fucking joke.”

Tony couldn’t take it. She spoke with so much hate, that was so clearly there for nine years. So much anger. But she was right. He hadn’t really changed. “Where are you going?”

“Think again if you think I’d ever stay in that building for another second.”

“You have nothing. You’ll have to live on the streets, you have no money.”

Zoey put the pieces together “I’ve done that before.”

“Yes but you died last time!” There was no reply just Zoey turning around and walking away, something inside told Tony to let her go. She was worse off with him there


	5. Rely

He should’ve gone after her. She was not mentally stable enough to live on her own, sure she was eighteen now but her experience of the real world had been fractured. She had little to no trust or experience. He slowly walked back up the drive not looking up, he had only just fully recovered. He was still a broken man. 

“Stark, where the hell is she!” The angry faces of Steve and Natasha had just realised that Zoey was gone. Tony just shrugged his shoulders. “No. Tony. You have to know where she is. Shit. You’re unbelievable you know that right. We took care of her when she was at her worst, you have her for what two weeks and she’s gone. I’ve had it! I’ve fucking had it.” 

“Maybe if you had told me that she lost her memory then we would not be in this situation, Rogers.”

“Don’t even try to pass the blame onto me. I told you therapy won’t help her, I told you a thousand times she just needs you to be there. I told you to not get an outsider, and what do you do. Exactly that. You don’t want to know how bad she was after the snap, we built her back up. You may think she’s broken but she’s a darn site better than she wasn’t before.”

“I’m sorry that I was stuck in space, fighting for my own life for three weeks. I’m sorry that I couldn’t help you save my kid-”

“You have to be kidding me. You’re kid? Is this some sort of joke. She is not your kid. The countless times you’ve not been there and we’ve had to step in. You’ve taken no responsibility of her!”

“Shut up! When you were too busy running from the government, I was there everyday. Every night. She was bad Rogers, worse than you can imagine. She forgot who she was completely and that wasn’t due to an injury, it was her mind. Her mind telling her to forget about life. This went on for weeks, but I never left her. I never walked away like you did. And thank god I got her back right. Or did you somewhat help me drag her back up from her constant depression as well.”

“I bet you feel like a fucking hero now.”

“Oh god forbid I do something right when you do something wrong. That can’t happen can it because you are the perfect man aren’t you. Sorry I forgot about that-”

“Can both of you shut up, you can carry on this dispute later. Preferably when we have Zoey back safe, because isn’t that what this is about? Zoey? Or is it just you two having another argument because of your strong egos.” Both men quickly became silent and nodded getting up to help find Zoey. 

“Okay. She’s angry at Tony so we don’t want him to find her, but you can stay here, she might come back, Bruce will be here too. I’ll go this way Steve you go that way. She can’t have got far.” 

“Look I know this might sound crazy, but why don’t you just let her go. For a week at least. She obviously is unhappy here, maybe she can find a job another life. I don’t know maybe one that doesn’t involve her family arguing or risking their life everyday. It’s an unstable atmosphere to be in when you’re like that.”

Natasha, Steve and Tony stopped and just glared and Bruce. “Are you alright in the head?” Bruce just nodded back at Tony with a bored look on his face. “I’m just saying maybe you should listen to her for once, she screamed loud enough that she didn’t want to be here. But you’re keeping her here. Do you want her to believe this is home or a prison?”

This stumped the three other adults. They always did what was right for them, never what was right for Zoey. They never listened to what she wanted, instead ignoring her demands. No wonder she wanted to leave. “But what if she gets hurt.”

“Then she will learn that there won’t always be someone to protect her. Look Tony I know you love her and it kills you to not know she is safe, but she needs this. Most kids her age with her levels of intelligence will be in college, away from parents. She needs to be a real person again. You can’t protect her forever.”

Bruce was making complete sense, but did Tony want to believe him? No. Tony liked having a purpose in life, and it had been Zoey for so long he didn’t know what to do if he didn’t have her. He relied on her as a distraction for years, having to deal with everything now proved harder. He couldn’t just let her walk could he? But he already had. 

“Two days then I’m checking up on her.” Bruce just raised his eyebrows at Tony. “Fine a week. But if I accidentally bump into her then I’m not ignoring her.” 

“I can’t believe you are going along with this, she literally had a mental breakdown last night. How is she going to survive out there. God knows what she might do. We might never get her back.”

“Steve, you cannot expect someone to heal in the environment that they got sick. Every room here is probably a memory of something that went wrong, because she hasn’t had it easy. And I know you three know her better than anyone, better than me. But you’re all too close to see what might be right.”

It took an hour of discussion to finally persuade the three overprotective adults that maybe Bruce was right. Because Zoey wasn’t a kid anymore and they didn’t have the authority to control her like they used to. It made them all think about how much she has grown in the time they knew her. 

She used to rely on them, now they relied on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an idea of where this is going. I’ve just been writing with no destination before.


	6. Coffee?

It had been a week. The longest week of Tony’s life, he didn’t sleep. He stayed awake worrying about what Zoey was doing, if she was safe, where she was. He had to reassure himself that she wasn’t the same eleven year old that was homeless seven years ago, she was stronger now. But it never really helped. He hoped that she would come back, but she never did.

“FRIDAY where is she? Is she okay? What has she been doing.”

“She is fine, her current location is this coffee shop. She has been there everyday.” Tony paused, he expected this to all go so wrong, expected to find a hopeless body. But she was alive, she was fine. She didn’t need him anymore. He wanted to visit her, say how sorry he was, but he knew that would only make things worse. He would only make things worse.

Like always.

“Good morning Marcel, the usual?” Zoey smiled to the man in front of her who nodded, his day looking better to seem like something. “You’ve been here for a week how do you already know what I have?”

“I dunno really, my memory had always been good. Short term anyway, ask me your order in a month I might struggle.” It was six in the morning and Zoey the only one who was awake at this hour, had become friendly with the regular commuters. It had been a week. Seven days. 168 hours. But she felt like a different person. 

The owner of the small coffee shop allowed her to use the facilities there: a small room with a couch and a shower. She didn’t have to pay, she just got less money for working. She didn’t really mind. “There you go. Have a great day at work, see you tomorrow.” He nodded as he walked out of the door, thanking her as he left. 

It wasn’t until three hours later did her colleagues walk in. By that there was one other person who worked at the shop. “Ten minutes late. Was someone up late last night?” All she got in reply was a glare. “Oh my - Jesus, Lucas you reek, go and have a shower. I can cover you for twenty minutes.” Zoey practically pushed him through the door. 

Zoey sat back waiting for a customer, people rarely came in opting for bigger brands like Starbucks. Just as Lucas was walking back down the stairs the door chimed, as Zoey looked to the door she sunk beneath the counter. “Shit.” Lucas almost burst out laughing when he saw her trying to get further under the counter. 

“Hello Sir how can I help you today? A coffee?”

“No sorry I was just wondering if you knew about a Zoey Daniels? She supposedly comes here everyday, medium length light brown hair, blue-ish eyes, fairly tall.” Lucas looked down to the floor beneath him where Zoey was frantically waving her arms about. “Sorry, can’t help you there. Maybe if I saw a picture.” 

The man held out his phone to show Lucas a picture, when the boy looked at it he couldn’t help but laugh; to which he got a kick in the leg. “I can’t, I can’t.” Lucas just walked off hands wiping away tears of laughter. 

Her cover was blown. 

She slowly arose from the counter “hello.”

The man the other side just took a step back, he had not expected Zoey to look so much better after one week. He couldn’t speak, he needed to speak but he couldn’t allow the words to exit his mouth. 

“Okay look I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I said, I was angry and I was upset. I don’t blame you, don’t think for a minute that I do. And I know it’s only been a week but I feel like myself again. I don’t know why. But I just want you to know that I’m sorry for what I said, it was uncalled for. I wasn’t in the right state of mind.”

“Are you really happy, now? Like here. Where do you live? Do you eat? Do you have any money? Do you want some money? Do you-”

“Yes Tony I am happier. I’m not happy, but that’s too much to expect from one week. I live back there, it’s not much, but it will do. Look I know you are going to worry, but I like it here. It’s calm. It’s normal.”

Tony ran a hand over his face and then just rested his head on it. She really didn’t need him anymore. All the years she did need him and he wasn’t there, now he was there but she was grown up. She could live a normal life, unlike his. She could really just be a normal kid. There he was again saying she was a kid, but looking at her now, she was nothing like the kid she used to be. 

“You’re going to stay here?” Zoey nodded, a sad look in both of their eyes. “Okay. I understand. I’m happy for you. But. I have a phone for you, no take it. It has our numbers on, if you ever need anything, I mean anything, call me. You know where I’ll be. I’ll be here if you ever need me.” There was a small tear in Tony’s eyes, because he was finally letting her go. This time there was no heartbreak to be followed, they were both going to live a life. 

Zoey just walked around the counter and threw her arms around Tony. “Thank you so much, thank you for everything you’ve done. You’re the best dad I’ve had. Thank you.” Tony felt a pang on guilt in his heart, because he hadn’t been the best dad. Hell, he’d been terrible, he didn’t talk to her for three months. He let her get hurt too many times to count. But here she was thanking him. 

“I really haven’t been a good dad.”

“Yes you have. Tony. When you found me the worst possible thing that could happen to a nine year old happened, you could’ve stayed at home when I phoned you. But you didn’t. Every time you saved me you could’ve just forgotten or not cared. But you did. Even when I was alone, I knew damn well that you were thinking about me. And if anything happened you would be there. So don’t you dare say you weren’t a good dad.”

Tony just nodded. He looked towards the door, he didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to walk out of her life. He wanted to drag her back home. But he knew that wasn’t what she needed, she needed normality. “Tony, are you going to be alright?” Here she was, Zoey Daniels in her best form. The girl who worried about others more than she worried about herself. “I’ll be fine. Anyway you will visit won’t you, once a month at least.” 

Zoey nodded “Of course I will.” One more hug and ten steps to the door then Zoey was no longer such a major part of Tony’s life. He didn’t have her to worry about or look after. But inside he knew he would always worry, because that’s the paternal instinct that she created in him. And dear god did he hate it sometimes.


	7. Living Arrangements

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wrote a two thousand plus chapter and deleted it because it was the dumbest thing I’ve ever wrote.

It had been just over two months month of living in the coffee shop for Zoey, she loved it. People would call her crazy for preferring to live in a tiny room in a small coffee shop compared to living with the avengers. But it was a nice change. 

She had visited the compound once and she had never seen Tony so happy to see someone, she felt guilty leaving him again but he insisted that he was okay. Her phone dragged her out of her trance “It’s Tony can I take it?” Lucas nodded looking at the empty shop. “I think I can handle it, if you hear a scream save me.” Zoey just rolled her eyes and answered the call. 

The first thing she heard made her heart sink. Why on earth was Tony crying and phoning her. Then he started laughing so she could relax for a bit. Then he started crying again. “Tony? What happened? Are you okay?” 

“Z...Zo I’m gonna be a dad.” In that instant Zoey started crying, Lucas put his thumbs up and Zoey just returned the gesture. “Oh my god, Tony that’s amazing!”

“You’re going to be a big sister Zoey! I’m going to be a dad again. I can’t believe it.” She only just found out about that kid, and there was nothing she wouldn’t do to protect it. She knew that Tony felt the same way. 

“It’s not going to be like last time though. I was toilet trained.”

“That’s what big sisters are for. I’m joking I’m joking. But I want you to be a big part of this kids life okay, I’m being serious now. I want her to have someone that isn’t us to talk to.”

“You think I’d let a kid of yours not have a semi-normal person in their life? Okay I’ve got to get back to work, I was thinking of coming round this week or next? Any days better for you? I just have to get time off.”

“Are you being over-worked?”

“No I like working here. Go celebrate, it might be the last time you can before that kids grown up.” She hung up and just stared with the biggest smile on her face. She could finally have something to divert her attention to, finally have someone that didn’t know about or care about how bad her life was. 

“Woah what’s the good news?”

“I’m going to be a sister.” Lucas just threw his arms around Zoey, he knew how much she loved kids and to be honest how much she missed having a sibling. “Tony wants me to be a big figure in their life, I have a second chance Lucas. I could be something for someone again.”

“Do you want me to cover your shift for you? You should go and see them.” 

“No I need to have enough money to spoil this kid, they’re going to be the most spoilt kid to exist. I’m going to make sure they never get hurt, nothing bad is going to happen to my sibling.”

“You’re getting a bit overprotective now. Go and serve some coffee come back to the real world, you’ve got a several long months to wait.” Lucas smiled as he watched Zoey walk away, he didn’t doubt for a second that she was going to be the best sibling the world has seen. Because she was the most caring and kind person he had met. 

She had a way with people; She didn’t even know that she did. But when people walked in and saw her at the counter their faces lit up for a while. Because Zoey cares about everyone no matter what their backstory was, because she believed everyone deserved a second chance. 

He didn’t understand how someone could go through so much and still be smiling and have faith in the human race. Because life had been anything but good to Zoey but she looked like she had not faced a day of worry in her life. The way when she smiled her eyes did as well, the way her laugh even when quiet and subtle could make anyone smile. 

“Lucas there is a bag of coffee beans in the back would you be able to get them for me? Can you also remind me to order some more coffee cups.” He answered by walking to get the coffee beans and giving her a thumbs up. As he walked back in with the heavy back she quickly sparked into conversation “I was thinking of going back home again on the weekend? Would you be able to cover Saturday I know it’s my Saturday to work, but I will work two full weekends for you. I just want to go and see Tony.”

“Yeah that’s fine, you don’t have to work two weekends. I’ve been telling you to go and see him for two weeks you finally have a proper reason. Also can I talk to you properly after work.” 

“Yeah sure.” Her pen was in her mouth so Lucas couldn’t really hear what she was saying as she was attempting to count the coffee cups that they had left. It was moments like this that Lucas saved in his mind, moments that he knew soon he wouldn’t get back. Because in reality he knew that Zoey wouldn’t stay here when she had the chance to have a family again. 

The day went by quickly again. The usual happened. It was a day like every other. People ordered the same drink at the same time, and when the shop got quiet Lucas and Zoey would have challenged like who could make a coffee the quickest or how fast they could get a tray of coffee to the other side of the shop, without spilling anything. 

Friday afternoons were never busy people either eager to get home for the weekend or getting ready to go out for the night. Zoey, currently sat on top of the counter clearing the few food items left from the boxes and draws caught Lucas looking at her. “You okay? You’ve been worryingly quiet today?”

“It’s just well I just don’t want anything to change. And I know, I know we cannot work here all of our life, but it’s just been so much better working here with you. I get that we are only eighteen and working in a coffee shop shouldn’t be our dream job but I wouldn’t mind it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re going to leave, I’m going to leave. I don’t know. But it’s all going to change and I just want to stay like this forever. You, me, these godforsaken coffee beans. I used to come to work dreading it but when I wake up now I smile.”

“Where are you going with this? We can’t work in this coffee shop forever, the demand is so low we are nearly out of business. This shop won’t be here forever.” 

“I don’t know what I’m saying, just ignore me.” The atmosphere changed, Zoey stopped cleaning and just looked at Lucas who was clearly choosing his words wisely. But it made him trip over his words. “No no carry on. Tell me, you can tell me anything, you know.” 

“Two months you’ve been here, they’ve been the best two months of my life. I’ve been happier than usual. I don’t know how to say this. I’ll tell you another time, have a good weekend.”

“No Lucas, tell me. Do you need something? Money for your rent? I have some savings you can have.” 

“No I don’t want money. Okay look don’t take this the wrong way but I’ve seen where you live and to be honest I don’t know how you sleep. That couch is tiny, I have a spare room in my apartment. Do you want to crash there? I wouldn’t charge you, it’s just I... I worry about you every night. I know this place it doesn’t have the best security. And I know you can stand up for yourself, you don’t need a locked door. But that doesn’t stop me from wondering about what might happen. You don’t have to say yes now, you can think about it.” 

“Yeah sure, but you have to let me pay towards something.” 

Zoey was practically jumping on the doorstep of the avengers building and as Tony opened the door she couldn’t control herself “Oh my god oh my god you’re going to have a kid. It’s crazy, I haven’t been able to concentrate all day. What are you going to call them? Where are they going to sleep?”

“Breathe kid, I know it’s exciting but you have to remember how to breathe. There is a long eight months until the little rascal takes her first breath, you’re going to need to relax.”

“Where’s Pepper? I need to congratulate her. I’ve never even really talked to her, oh god does she like me? Does she think I will be a good sister? Do you think I will be a good sister? There she is. Pepper! Pepper!” It was almost comical how Zoey was acting considering she had convinced the team that she was an adult for two months, she was quickly turning into a kid again. Pepper just looked shocked and waved at the girl. 

“You fancy taking a breath? You’re really excited huh? Why do I feel like you haven’t been able to let out your excitement.”

“Oh my god Tony! Lucas yeah he said I could live with him but it took him like ten minutes to ask me and I nearly hit him he was stuttering just like Peter used to. But I dunno if I should. What do you think?”

“How well do you know him? It’s only been two months.”

“I mean I see him six days a week and usually on the other day of a week he will come round because he is bored or something. So I practically see him everyday. I trust him if that’s what you are saying. I trust him like I’ve known him my whole life.”

“Go for if then. From what you’ve described your current living space is not the best, and you can’t live in a coffee shop your whole life. Geez kid when did you grow up? It seems like yesterday when I picked you up and had to calm you down. I never thought we would get this far.”

“You’re having a kid Tony. You’re having a kid of your own. You get to deal with all the teenage tantrums again. I can’t get over it. You’re having a kid. This is the best day of my life.”

“You’re acting like you’re the one having a kid. You keep rambling and you aren’t listening to me, I guess you’re not to different to a toddler. Maybe I will be able to cope. Are you going to stay tonight?”

An excited nod made Tony laugh to himself and walk off to Zoey’s room which was kept the exact same since she left. Because that room would always be hers.


	8. Again?

The crash of Zoey’s phone on the window made both her and the person who knocked on the door Jump. It was midnight and it was fair to say Zoey was not expecting any visitors. “Zo? You alright? It’s me. I thought you would be awake because I know you don’t sleep till one at least.”

“Are you going to come in?” The door slowly opened revealing a clearly troubled Tony walking into Zoey’s pitch black room; she quickly turned a lamp on. “What is it?” 

Tony didn’t really know why he came to Zoey’s room, he didn’t properly realise where he was walking to until he was almost there. “Do you think I am going to be a good dad? I mean you got hurt so many times, what if that happens again?”

“It’s not going to. This kid won’t be a psychologically damaged nine year old who has desirable powers. I had a rough start to life and I know that this kid won’t, because she’s got you.”

Tony just looked at Zoey his mind running without him being able to control the direction, he was unable to control his words. “What if I’m not enough though.” He got no reply just a confused glance, wondering why on earth they couldn’t have just talked about this in the morning. “What if I’m not cut out for this? What if I’m so emotionally unstable that I can no longer care for a child? What if something happens to me and pep? Then what? We just leave a kid with no-one?”

“Hey Tony calm down, everything is gonna be alright. I’m living proof that kids can live without parents. Anyway I’ll be here, god forbid anything happens, and if you ever think I’m letting that kid go down the same road I did. You can think again. I know you’re worried you’re supposed to be worried but you’ve done it before. You can do it again.”

Silence filled the room however it was clear that Tony’s mind wasn’t showing any signs of slowing down. He just stared at the wall letting his mind try to sort it all out. “Whenever someone has something to do with me they get hurt.” Zoey barely heard him, his voice so broken and lost, it didn’t sound much like Tony Stark. 

“You know that’s not true.”

“Yes it is! Yes it is. Rhodey. Pepper. You. Peter. Everyone I care about. Everyone, Zoey. He... He died in my arms and I can’t stop thinking about his face just staring back up at me so helpless and confused. I should have been able to save him, he expected me to save him, but I just let him down. Like I let everyone down. I can’t do this. I can’t let a kid be brought into the world like this, they’ll get hurt.”

It was almost like all those years ago when Tony was worrying endlessly about Zoey, he would go to speak to someone but he was so alone. And a few years later Zoey was the one he could talk to, the one he told everything to. But their relationship changed too fast, their respect both low for each other. And maybe it got better but it was never like it was. But today Zoey listened again, she was the same thirteen year old. Listening to all the problems she would one day face.

“It’s okay. I don’t think he would blame you for that. You were on another planet for god sake. You did all you could, that was enough.”

“But it wasn’t enough, I lost the kid. I lost MY kid. He trusted me with his life, and where did that get him? You know I think about it all the time- What more I could’ve done. How I could have saved everyone. But in truth I didn’t know, I was so so far out of my comfort zone. I just guessed. It makes me think that even if there was a way to get them back, would I be able to help?”

“Look I miss him too. When something reminds me of him I can’t think properly, this overwhelming sadness takes over. But I just have to tell myself that I can’t do anything to change that now, the past is in the past. He was my best friend, the first real best friend I ever had. I never thought I would lose him so early, but I did. We all did. Some days it’s better, when I can remember the good times, but some days I get worse thinking that he will never come back. That I’ve lost him forever. But we can’t let this stop our lives progressing. You may only think about the times I got hurt in your care, but what about the times you saved me? What about the times you cared? This kid is one lucky kid to have you as a dad. Because I know you would not stop at anything to protect them.”

Both of their minds diverted to Peter, the happy hopeful kid who deserved to be here. Their minds diverted to times where they were both happier, when the world was still full; when they didn’t have to worry about everything. “You know when you went away. I refused to believe it was for the better, I thought something bad was going to happen to you. I was terrified. Because I wouldn’t know, I wouldn’t be able to protect you. It’s the weirdest feeling in the world, because you don’t need me anymore. But I need you.”

“I’m sorry.” Zoey looked down to her feet, fiddling with her hands. She put up this facade of being an adult, having her life together. But inside she was still the confused, broken, lost nine year old kid; inside she wasn’t okay, loss had taken over to the point where she lost herself. What she would do to go back and change everything. But she couldn’t do that anymore. 

“No, why are you sorry? What do you have to be sorry about?”

Zoey gave up replying, the spiral starting. The relapse. She slowly sunk to the ground, this was all her fault. All logical thought was taken over by the underlying guilt and depression. She thought she had gotten over this, but no matter how much she tried it would always be there. Telling her that she wasn’t enough and didn’t deserve happiness. “Woah kid, you alright?” 

Kid. That’s all she will ever be. Memories from when she was five, seven, eight, nine, eleven, thirteen. After the age of nine the name kid should not have been given to a girl that had seen so much and been through so much. Because she wasn’t a goddamn kid anymore, but hell did she feel like one right now. So helpless. She no longer had control of her actions, no longer had control of the tears, the sobs, the screams. 

“Zo I’m going to need you to take a breath. You can do it, I know you can.” The door quickly opened, leaving Steve, Natasha and Bruce just stood there. She wasn’t better. She had tricked them into the idea that everything was fine, but here was two months of emotion she hadn’t been able to express. She bottled it up.

“I don’t know what to do, she can’t be here anymore. I don’t know why, but she’s been fine for two whole months and she comes back here for one night and she’s like this again. She need some to go home.” It killed Tony that her home wasn’t here with him, but it was clear she can’t be happy there anymore. Whether it was the building or it was him. He’ll never know. 

“L...Lu...” Tony understood the few syllables that escaped her mouth, someone right now that she needed more than Tony. It broke Tony that he wasn’t the first one she needed, he wasn’t the one who could fix this anymore. 

“It’s Tony, do you drive? Can you come and pick Zoey up, I know it’s midnight but- okay.” Tony put down Zoey’s phone, just sat at the other side of the room staring at her continuously breaking, he was scared to take another step closer, incase he hurt her again.


	9. Chapter 9

For Tony the ability to let his child go was becoming more and more difficult. She was currently at the age where she would change the most, become more and more grown up everyday. Tony didn’t have the guts to just let her go, even if it was for the better.

Because he’d let her go for two months, and nothing was the same. He had struggled for two months, trying to keep his mind on track. But in truth the majority of the time his mind would go off road, worrying endlessly.

So when Lucas showed up at the door Tony refused to answer it. It was selfish he knew, he knew it was wrong, he knew he was damaging Zoey by keeping her with him; but he couldn’t let her go again. He had lost her too many times to see her leave again. 

“Do you want me to get the door? And you and Steve can bring her down?” Tony didn’t reply to Natasha because he didn’t want the future to happen, he life to stay like it was. Before Thanos. Before everything. 

So he just sat. Staring at the lost kid he had tried to bring up, tried to care for. Not far away in physical distance but mentally planets from each other. They would never properly understand what was right and what was wrong for each other.

”Tony she has to go, you know that this place isn’t good for her. She has too many bad memories and experiences here.”

”But she has good memories too. She has good memories, Steve. Like when we set the kitchen on fire trying to cook. Or when we would watch movies together and just fall asleep. Or when we had competitions over who could annoy FRIDAY the most. She has good memories.”

”I know she does. You’ve been amazing with her, but we’ve known since we met her that she throws herself into guilt. And everywhere she looks she sees something to be guilty for. We can’t change that. None of us can.”

”I can’t let her go. She’s 18. She’s still a kid. She needs me. She can’t leave. What if I never see her again? What if I’m the one ruining her life?”

”You are going to have to let her go. I know it’s going to be difficult. But you will see her again, maybe it will take her a while to recover. But you are the reason she is still alive, you’ve done great. But right now we need to take her downstairs, okay. And you’re going to hold it together.” 

As they were practically carrying Zoey downstairs, Tony wanted to scream, Run or do something. He didn’t even know why he felt so terrified to let her go once more, he had done it before. When he saw Lucas stood by the door his face full of worry, Tony knew she was going to be okay. Because someone else cared about her like he did. 

And maybe it was for the better.

”Take care of her okay. If you need anything and I mean anything you come to me.” Lucas nodded at Tony while shutting his car door, taking a quick glance to the glazed Zoey in the passenger seat. 

Tony just watched as the torn up scruffy car drove away, he turned back around. Everyone’s faces full of sorrow and sympathy, but Tony couldn’t dare look at them they would expect him to talk or say something. So he looked to the floor much like Zoey did all the time, and walked past them to go and sit in her room.

He was so confused and lost, he always knew what he was doing, how he was feeling. But these past months he hasn’t understood a thing, it seemed like a lifetime ago when he got on that ship. He despised not understanding what was happening, not understanding his own emotions. 

“Zoey? I’m going to take you back to my place, okay?” Zoey hadn’t really understood what was happening earlier, her mind too hectic to take into account what she was doing and where she was going. So now she just stared. Out of the window, looking at the people on the street who were so clearly much happier than her. 

“Mhm.” She tried to sound strong she really did, but the way her tears drowned the confidence in her voice made her sound so so broken. She wanted to turn back go to Tony to apologise because none of this was his fault, and she knew that he was bound to beat himself up about this all. 

Her emotions all becoming too much she closed her eyes so she could be empty again, not have to think of anything again. Because that’s all she wanted really, emptiness, she realised happiness was too much of an ask for her. 

“Hey Zoey, we are here. You gonna wake up? Because I refuse to carry you up those stairs and the lift is broken.” The cool air on Zoey’s side and the comforting hand on her shoulder made her feel somewhat at home. No longer alone, but she was always going to be alone; because she was Zoey Daniels.

Lucas hated seeing her like this, in the two months he knew her he only saw her like this the first few weeks she was at the coffee shop. And it took so much to get her out of that phase, to get her to be happier and laugh and smile again. 

They were back to square one.

”You can’t stay here all night come on, you idiot.” He held his hands out for her and as she placed her hands on his he practically lifted her out of his car. She stumbled into his side, completely losing her balance. 

It took them thirty minutes to walk up the stairs, both too tired to walk. Zoey too empty to take more than one stair a minute. It seemed like it should have been such an easy task but to Zoey seemed impossible.

”You sleep in there, I’m just here if you need anything. You gonna be alright?” 

A small nod. Because it couldn’t get any worse.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone our good old pal zoey has a full on mental breakdown in this chapter, probably will be triggering so do not read if u don’t wanna.
> 
> Update!!: Trigger warnings: Suicide, depression, self harm.

Lucas had worked by himself for a week now, telling Zoey that she was not up to work at the moment and needed to get her mind straight before she could start serving her regulars again. And it was hard for him to not have that happy face to see every morning. Because Zoey went to bed in the morning and woke up in the afternoon. Because she liked how peaceful the nights were. He went to work at seven and came home at six.

And that’s when he found her at six in the evening. Giving up.

Initially he paused, not aware of what to do. Then he threw up into the toilet. Then he panicked, because he was only eighteen, not even nearly an adult; he shouldn’t have to deal or know how to deal with this.

”Shit, Fuck, Zoey! Shit.” He tried to hold her limp body, slowly lifting her up but he wasn’t strong enough. Then he started crying, because he couldn’t think of a way to save her. Her whole life she had people who could save her but now she was in his care, he couldn’t help. 

“Zoey. Please wake up. Please Zoey.” She showed no signs of movement, no signs of life. He ran to the other room. Shovelling through his bag to find his phone, once he found it he picked it up. Of course it was out of charge. “Shit.” He ran to Zoey’s room, and rummaged through the draws to find her phone.

He didn’t know her password, but there was a text from the person he needed “Don’t kid. Don’t speak like that.” He called the number, running back to the bathroom trying to help her. 

“H-Hello...It-Its...Z...Zoey...Fuck I’m sorry... Should have been here. Shit.” The panic transferred through to the other side of the phone, where the mans voice suddenly seemed to be struggling to make the words form in his mouth.

”What? What happened to her?! Lucas! Tell me what the fuck has happened to her!” 

But Lucas couldn’t let the words escape his mouth he didn’t want to believe it, but as he stared at Zoey he just sobbed and that was enough for Tony to track the phone and fly over. “Zoey Please, he will kill me. I can’t let you die, Zoey. Come on you can do this. I know you’re still here.”

He felt someone grab his shoulders as he sunk to the floor, pulling him away from the bathtub. He shook himself out of the grip and just ran, he couldn’t be here anymore. Not while she was here. “Stop! Don’t run, come back! Lucas! Kid come on.” But Lucas didn’t have the power to stop, he had to keep running. Run as far away as he could.

”Hey Zo, I’m gonna pick you up okay. Helen is just here, she’s gonna help, okay?” The initial panic Tony faced had quickly subsided and he now just wanted it to all be better. For Zoey to be better. As he lay Zoey down on the bed for Helen, he nearly threw up. He found a wall and sunk to the floor, head in his hands. Worried. Lost. Confused.

Because this girl was only a kid she shouldn’t be dealing with emotions that would make her turn to this. She shouldn’t have so much worry and sadness and guilt in her mind that it would be easier to not be alive. 

Looking at her now, she was practically dead. And this time it wasn’t anyone else’s fault, Tony couldn’t just go and punish the person that hurt her. Because it wasn’t Zoey, she hurt herself. 

“She is stable for the moment but I’m going to have to take her back to the compound.”

“No! She can’t go back there.” 

“She has to go back there. I can’t keep her alive in an apartment with no medical supplies. She’ll be fine.”

”That’s what everyone told me before, and she is very clearly not fine.” That was the truth, Tony shouldn’t have believed everyone because in the end he knew Zoey better than anyone. He knew how she reacted to things, knew what her facial expressions meant, knew how her voice easily conveyed her emotion.

”I’m taking her back, it’s the only way she will live. We can keep an eye on her there or do you want another phone call one evening telling you that your kid has tried to kill herself.” Tony paused at Helens bluntness, she was usually more calm but it seemed that the situation she and Tony had found themselves in was enough to change someone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m gonna write something Happy soon I promise.  
> Also I learnt Pig Latin today in two and a half minutes.   
> Iway amway oudpray ecausebay iway amway umbday utbay iway amway otnay eryvay oodgay atway eakingspay orway itingwray itway


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just watched ffh, i’m kinda annoyed tho because i was rlly looking forward to it but the day i watch it i have bad mental health and can’t fully enjoy it. it was really good though, i think. yeah my minds kinda lost xx

Slowly the beeps of the monitor was driving Tony insane, every single day they made the same noise in the same rhythm. In some way it was nice to have a regularity in the hectic events that had taken place. But the beeps were entering his brain, running around and giving him headache after headache.

_Beep Beep._

Zoey looked so alone, so lost and she was asleep, she was meant to look peaceful when asleep. She looked like she couldn’t be bothered to wake up, he didn’t blame her. The world had changed so much, no-one could deal with it; some days he wished he could just sleep through it all.

_Beep Beep._

This was his fault. Everything bad that had happened to Zoey was all his fault, he was the cause of her lying on the hospital bed not wanting to wake up. He was the reason she tried and nearly succeeded committing suicide.

Pepper watched from outside the room, through the window, she hated seeing him like this. She had never really known Zoey, keeping themselves too busy in their own lives to care. But even though she didn’t know Zoey it didn’t make her heart hurt less knowing what she had been through and what she had done. It would take someone emotionless to not be effected by that.

She heard a crash and saw Tony throwing his arms around just punching walls and windows. He took it hard, he knew that Zoey wasn’t happy but he never expected she would get this bad. He was never very good at showing emotions, usually bottling them up, they never usually let to anger. 

“Tony. Tony!” He paused from his rage to find Pepper stood at the door, slowly he stumbled towards her. Practically falling into her arms he gave up holding himself up, trying to be stronger than he was. “It’s all my fault. All of it.”

”You know it’s not, you can’t be responsible for everything.”

He knew, he knew it shouldn’t have been his fault; knew that it was wrong for him to blame himself for all of this. Was he being selfish for thinking about his own mind in situations like this? It was comforting to be in an embrace but knowing that Zoey was barely alive next to him ripped any comfort away.

”I don’t want the kid, pep.” Tony’s eyes never left Zoey, never left her body that was moving so rhythmically. There was no reply just someone taking a seat, clearly tired and emotionally drained.

”Why?” Spoken in a sigh, Pepper tilted her head back resting it on the window, her thoughts and worries too heavy to carry by herself.

”Because look what happens if I am responsible for a kid! I’m cursed, I have to be, maybe it was my dad he gave me the gene that caused me to be a shit parent. Because there has to be something wrong with me. One of my kids followed me into space and died in my arms, and the other one tried to end her life because I was never there for her. I can’t bring another kid into this world to die too early.”

“You’re not cursed. These kids found you and their lives are better for you, they both had upbringings that should break them. You cannot blame yourself for that, you have no curse. There is nothing wrong with you, you were a saviour for those two.”

Tony just ran a hand over his face. No-one would Listen to his point, he was worried. He was so fucking worried about being a shitty dad, he didn’t have a good history. “Will you please listen to me. This is all too much right now, far too much. It’s too much to think about. It’s all too much. I can’t save her. I can’t save him. I’m a fucking joke.” Tony stumbled to a chair, head resting in his hands. 

Pepper sat in the chair next to him, guided his head to her shoulder. “I am listening. But that doesn’t mean I agree with you. Because I think you are the best thing to happen to those kids. There is no persuading me otherwise.” Her voice a calm to the storm in his head, he just wanted to rest. But he couldn’t rest he had to be here if Zoey woke up. He had to.

“You need to sleep Tony. No, go to sleep. I will be here if she wakes up and I’ll wake you up. I promise.” 


End file.
